Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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