i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
