btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Randomize
