Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
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