i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
