You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Randomize
