my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
