I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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