I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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