you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Redeem this text for a blowjob
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
