We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
