Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
