Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
