WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Randomize
