yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
