i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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