Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
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