He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
