We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Randomize
