Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
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