i don't like sucking hair
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize
