In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
