I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
