I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
