Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
