i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Randomize
