every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
