if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
this is an emotional support booty call
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
