I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
And then my night got REAL pukey
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
