I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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