Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Randomize
