Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize
