How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Randomize
