I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
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