he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
