I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Randomize
