Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
