i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Randomize
