Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
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