imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
