A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
