If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Let the clothes fall where they may.
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