I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
Little spoons don't ask big questions
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
