My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
