that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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