I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
