Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Randomize
