Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
