i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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