Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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