John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Randomize
